“Yes, This Clutter Does Make My Butt Look Fat.”

I am feeling better today. Yesterday was difficult.
The reality of no children in the house hit me hard. The transition alone can make one think of their mortality and getting the results of blood work done the week previously didn’t help. Sign me up for anything with a little heart on it that says no trans fat, no sugar, no salt, no taste and no fun.

My day began waking from a deep early morning sleep to the phone ringing. Mr. P. M. sat on his phone on the way to work and speed dialed home. He was hoping it didn’t go through so he quickly hung up. I answered the phone to hear a dial tone. I immediately went into ‘someone must have died’ mode as I always do when the phone rings and it is still dark. I *69-ed to find out what happened. Assured all was well I fell back to sleep to dream I was having a heart attack and couldn’t remember how I had gotten to the hospital as they were conducting tests. The doctors were murmuring about my partial obstruction. I woke up breathing fast, my heart pounding and my chest hurting. It was hard to shake this.

I decided to text son2 now that we added it to our phones. He was busy doing community service and would call me later. I wrote son1 an email asking how his week was going. We hear from him once a week in the obligatory Sunday night call to appease his mother but once in awhile he will return an email which this time he did on the same day. Oh joy! I just felt so detached from everyone. I had my first time-delayed cry but it was not the release as I had needed. It was too short and superficial to have been therapeutic. I can’t seem to fully tap into my feelings and I’m waiting for the break point of the numbness to wear off.

I have to move on to a project that has a pending time limit. Besides working on my internal health numbers we are consolidating two business sights and relocating them into one. We basically need huge spaces so the conditions of a nice office are not necessary so we thought it best to bring it to our house.

It is past the snowball effect – it’s an avalanche! I am fortunate we have 2 offices at home, mine and everyone elses. We are not touching mine. The general office includes family files, my crafty junk and just stuff I don’t know what to do with but wanted to keep along the way. Going through everything right now is overwhelming. I have so much stuff that is from my ‘active mommy years’ and kid based and I feel doing this now would be too sad and could throw me head first into a deep childless funk but it has got to be done.

Thinking I was perhaps making more out of all of this than need be, I began with small steps and went to purge the linen closet upstairs which would be innocuous. I came across the first baby shoes of my first born. I closed the cabinet doors and walked away. I am too sentimental to do this alone. I need reinforcements.

My friend recommended a book ~ It’s All Too Much, by Peter Walsh.

www.peterwalshdesign.com

I haven’t seen his show on TLC, Clean Sweep and I do not watch Oprah so he is new to me. I pride myself on my organizational skills but when life is busy I become a stuffer and stacker. I’m hoping Peter will be able to help me look at the contents of my closets, cabinets and files without so much sentimentality. I purchased it last night with Dan Brown’s new book.

One chapter I am bypassing though – Kids’ Rooms.